I again consider seeing a psychiatrist. It seems like too much trouble. I discard all thought of change. I eat, drink, weep, and provide a receptacle for men who are doing the same. Sometimes I can get up enough energy to watch TV. I never remember afterwards what I have seen. News, old movies, documentaries, soap operas all leave no impression on me. Even the commercials don't bother me much. Somehow I get through the winter. I have my meals delivered. Drinking alone is easier than going out. Nobody would want me. I will never be a real woman. Spring arrives tentatively. At last one day I notice myself in the full-length mirror. I haven't wanted to see myself. I look appalling. My housedress is dirty and torn. I don't remember buying it. It is ugly. My hair is a tangled mess of uncombable knots. I haven't even bathed in several days. I stink of old sweat and alcohol. I am a disgrace. My eyes have trouble focussing on myself. A powerful shudder of horror runs through me. I decide to. Finally he began to fuck me but very hard long deep strokes yanking his cock out and driving it back in my asshole screamed and I heard myself saying over and over "OH GOD,OHGOD,OH GOD!!!" As his cock ****d my asshole raw but as he fucked me I began to get looser my asshole relaxed a little and some internal lubrication began to happen and it started to feel good and then it started to feel great and I heard my cries of pain turn into cries of pleasure I heard myself saying "FUCK ME LACEY FUCK ME!" He said "SHUT UP BITCH SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU!" So I whispered it and his pounding cock kept going the cheeks of my ass felt like they were getting spanked his hips were hitting me so hard he was thin and his hips kind of bony and they met my girly round ass with a smacking all I could do was hold on and enjoy the ride...After about twenty minutes more of incredibly hard fucking he came blasting a huge load of cum deep into my anal cavity when he finished he pulled out and without so much.
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